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funny leaving letter

Real or fictional, it's still pretty funny -


As many of you now know this friday will be my last day with PwC so I
wanted to say good bye and thank you for everything. My decision to
leave was not a snap decision as it may have seemed but a well thought
out process. It started one night in the audit room as I was helplessly
attempting to focus on some inane, completely irrelevant task so I could
leave when the green card carrying cleaning lady came into my cage to
empty my garbage when my decision was made. I realized that I was
actually jealous of her job. I would have gladly emptied the garbage
cans in the whole building over any of the nonsense I was doing on my
computer. See, at the end of her shift she has made a difference, she
has added value, be it minimal, of removing the refuse from the employees cubes. At the end of the day she sees the empty garbage cans and knows that she
accomplished something. When trying to apply this mindset to my own work
I found it to be impossible. At the end of my shift, I will have
documented a control, that was only created for the sake of having a
control, and my work will get picked apart by anal retentive managers, but ultimately find a home in a cabinet somewhere, only to see the light of day again when it is thrown out in 7 years when it is deemed to be irrelevant. I have added
zero value to the client, zero value to my own company, and it has made
me routinely daydream about ways to off myself. I find it very hard to
be motivated when I know the end result of my work has no impact on
anything but simply must be completed because PwC audit guide says it
must be completed.What makes this entire process worse is the fact that those around you insist that this work is crucial to the world's existence and it is essential
that you never use abbreviations, that your sheets must be as colorful
as possible, and all lines must be drawn with a ruler or else it is
clear that PwC will come apart from its hinges. I must have missed out
on the brainwashing session that PwC provided all senior associate and
managers that taught them how to turn obsessive compulsive up a notch. Anyway...that was how I came to decide that public accounting was not really for me. A couple other pieces of adivce for my coworkers and the company as I part:

I would greatly encourage some kind of weight loss challenge to be
implemented firm wide. The herd of water buffalo you call your work
force is embarassing and a bit gross. When I call a co worker over from
2 cubes down and they are legitmately out of breath when they get to my
cube it may be time to knock off 10 or 80 pounds. The company seems to
encourage this obesity; each busy season we get a giant package full of pixie
sticks, chocolate and assorted sweets. As much as I would enjoy type 2
diabetes, I think I'll pass.
Do not ever, ever, ever put one male on a team with all females unless
you want him to quit and or commit a hate crime. This is inhumane. One
can only endure so many conversations about greys anatomy, weddings, and
handbags before they wish for a cancerous tumor in their armpit.
I think the joke is old already, enough with the sarbanes oxley. It was
fun while it lasted but there is no way anbody can honestly think that
this bullshit is necessary. Oh you want me to pull a sample of the HR
file to make sure everyones birthday and hire date is accurate? Yea ill
jump right on that, and trust me I'll definitely let you know if there
is an exception and not just make up answers that result in me doing
less work.

You can easily cut some costs and get rid of the HR department. I'm
pretty sure you can train a monkey to send out the available list and a
timesheet reminder every two weeks.

Comments

Anonymous said…
On the topic of leaving, what are some of the best offers you've heard colleagues take elsewhere when they left at the Sr. Associate level. (based on salary and work/life- assuming the Sr. was making around 70k) I'm curious what kind of "jumps" are possible?
Morgan said…
Your posts are very entertaining. This one was a classic! Keep em coming.
notfordisplay said…
Thanks, as long as people are reading them. It's the only incentive to keep this blog active.
Anonymous said…
I actually agree with him in certain ways. I havent started my job yet, but I found most tasks as an auditor are to ensure, to reperformance, and to double check...At the end of the task, we dont solve anything nor creat anything. So I want to ask, since you have been working as an auditor for so long, do you see the value add up in our job? Do you still like auditing and why? Thanks!
The JZA said…
I believe that there's going to be some kind of world-changing cataclysmic event in the next 10-20 years that is going to render so many information-manipulation-interpretation jobs like ours irrelevant. I'm glad I've got my military experience, because when that world-changing cataclysm happens, the same manager who can quote accounting standards and keeps me late at night just to foot stupid columns will starve to death for lack of practical, utilitarian skills.
Anonymous said…
Culture in public accounting makes me feel I still live in the old world. I never understand if I should say things "on the table" and "under the table". People are not sure if they should tell the truth. Or, even they do, it doesn't matter anyway cause nothing will change. The management only changes the "form" not "substance".
lin said…
I agree with the "old world". And I actually doubt what kind of assurance we are providing. But job has to be done.
Anonymous said…
i doubt this is a real goodbye letter but the content is 100% true
Anonymous said…
I have Vets day off and have been cruising some Big 4 gossip/news sites. I have read a number of blog posts on this site.

By way of background, I am a 1984 grad who left the Big 4 after being a Senior Manager for 5 years. My career has moved on from there but only because of the solid base I developed in public. So, I clearly liked the work at the time and feel well served by it.

I am surprised at how little things have changed in the trenches of the profession. Staff need guidance and some people don't think they should have to give it, some people are very frustrated by the work and men age faster - I think this is the type that stays in public and not so much the public factor alone. What I do find troubling is that some people who have clearly been working for less than 10 years, maybe less than 5, are as cynical as I am!! That is really too bad. Somehow it seems more reasonable that an old gal like me who has seen it all, been there done that, etc. can have a gloomy outlook and wish for the day that I can turn in my CPA card for a life of leisure or leisure+ part time work.

You guys need to look beyond the specific tasks you do each day. Yes, some of it seems mundane but in all worlds (GE, CPA firm, McD's even) you have to earn your stripes and until you have actually been passed over a couple times, don't get discouraged. I learned so much in public that serves me well every day in life - not just my career.

Public is like college - you get out of it what you put into it. It is a mine field out there - everywhere, not just at your firm. Good luck avoiding the mines and trying to see the bigger benefits of the experience you are getting.
Anonymous said…
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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Anonymous said…
lol Tell me about ignoring exceptions in HR procedures coz there's just no point in noting them down... But what's more pointless still is the fact that you have confirmed the assertion of completeness on the basis of lies and laziness, and it still doesn't have any impact on the organisation under audit, or the bullshit audit firm you work.
MM said…
Well done. I admire your honesty. I work for "big" professional services firm and I couldn't agree more - I've felt the same about watching the cleaners empty the bins : ) Well done.

http//:consultingreality.com
Garmeon Yu said…
Please keep posting and if you would be so kind, would you please correspond with me through e-mail? I am, like many others, a Big 4 hopeful candidate. I've been reading accounts of corporate life with mostly negative reviews. I would love to hear more of your insight. garmeonyu.blogspot.com is my own blog and my e-mail is gryu@ucdavis.edu. Please don't hesitate to contact me, thanks!
Anonymous said…
This has made my day! Its consoling to know i'm in such good company. ;)
Anonymous said…
Thank you so much for this blog! It's still extremely useful years later...

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